Why is listening such a problem for most people? We assume that listening, like speaking, is a skill that we master as we grow up. But active listening takes the same effort as developing and refining our speaking skills.
Often, as we grow up, we actually develop bad listening habits, ignoring what others are saying because we:
- Consider the subject dull or too complicated. We tune out a speaker because we feel the subject will be boring or, even worse, fear that we will be unable to understand what the person is saying.
- React, not to the speaker’s words, but to the speaker’s appearance or mannerisms. Consequently, we don’t hear the good ideas.
- Overreact. Our enthusiasm or anger can color what we hear.
- Listen only for facts. We need to give all our attention to a speaker to understand the full message.
- Fake attention. Many people are so happy with their ability to “act interested,” that they use the skill when they actually should be paying attention.
- Tolerate or create distractions. Doodling, interrupting, and turning the pages of a book or a magazine are all distracting actions that should not be done or tolerated.
- Daydream. We need to teach ourselves not to allow our minds to wander— to remain focused on the subject at hand.
- Disagree. When we disagree with a speaker, we get so involved in formulating our response that we don’t always hear all of the speaker’s points.