Now let’s look at Michael’s problem. It wasn’t as simple as he’d thought. Once he calmed down, he discovered that his assistant had known about the report but had been unable to work on it because she was busy doing work given to her by Sid, the other manager she assisted. She had told Sid that Michael’s work had priority, but he had insisted. Michael’s work dealt not only with a potential prospect but also had been assigned to Linda before Sid’s, so Michael felt justified in talking to Sid about it. Before he did, he spoke to me, and I gave him some advice. From what Michael had told me, Sid could be manipulative, getting people to agree to do something they didn’t want to do. He would often make the same request in three different ways, use emotional blackmail to make a peer feel guilty (e.g., “I let Linda work on your assignment last week. I felt you owed me.”), wear the other party down with repeated requests, or take an aggressive approach.
I told Michael about a technique called the broken record. After telling Sid that he should not have interfered with Linda’s work, Michael made it clear that he did not want a repetition of the situation. In the future, Sid should discuss
Linda’s workload with Michael before speaking with her.
Sid apologized, but he tried to get out of Michael’s demand that they work together to coordinate Linda’s assignments. I told Michael that he had to remain firm. Each time that Sid came up with a reason why it would not work, he should respond no and then repeat his demand that they discuss Linda’s assignments weekly to ensure that each got equal time. For instance, “No, I don’t think it will take too much time for us to do this,” or, “No, I want us to oversee Linda’s workload, not put her in the awkward position of having to choose which job to do first,” or, “No, I don’t think we are unable to appreciate the importance of the other’s work. We can make sound judgments about her time.”
So long as Michael said no calmly and pleasantly, without showing anger or feeling upset, Sid had no reason to take issue with his response—other than that it would keep him from monopolizing Linda’s time.
Sid is someone with whom Michael wants to remain friends, but he also knows that Sid is one of those colleagues with whom you sometimes have to talk tough. You have to be clear on the position you plan to take in any discussion and stick to it. Even if the other party tries to redirect the conversation, by mentally hanging on to your position statement, you can control the discussion and steer things back on course.