If you see yourself as inadequate, limited in your skills and abilities, and unable to handle your new responsibilities, you may suffer from a poor self-concept or mental picture of yourself. Consequently, you may pass up an opportunity to take on a high-visibility project or to make a presentation to senior management from fear of doing a poor job. In the past, you may have done a poor job on a project or became tongue-tied in speaking before an audience, and the mental images of those occasions discourage you from trying again.
Alternatively, you might sit through a planning meeting in which your ideas are ignored. Later, you get into an argument with the facilitator, blaming that person for not giving you sufficient time to express your thoughts. You don’t know what caused you to lose your temper, but likely your aggression stemmed from the fact that your ideas—and, in your mind, you—were ignored. The situation might have triggered memories from childhood when kids at school taunted you. You were put down then, and you feel as if you were put down during the meeting.
Both instances led to negative self-talk, an inner voice that compared the current situation to a past experience in which you did not meet expectations, damaging your positive self-esteem. To address this problem and behave more assertively in the future—to take on that project or make that presentation or leave the group meeting without feeling ignored—you need to silence your negative inner voice. Don’t let the voice be a self-fulfilling prophecy, contributing to either a passive or aggressive response. Decrease how often you discuss your weaknesses with others and refrain from dwelling on negative thoughts. Instead, identify some positive self-statements and emphasize those. Maybe you aren’t the most organized person, but if you can tell yourself that, “I can organize my work easily,” in time you will be both saying and doing it. Write your positive thoughts on 3 6 cards or sticky notes and place them in your office where you will see them during the day. Share your goal to become more positive about yourself with friends and ask them to support you by discouraging you from dwelling on your shortcomings.