Managers who use a passive communication style allow others to control them. They accept all criticism as valid and feel guilty, even apologetic, when they have to criticize others. They will take the line of least resistance and say or do nothing, concealing their feelings or desires. For instance, they will let an employee get away with murder rather than discuss shortcomings in work performance. They may even take on the employee’s responsibilities rather than discuss the shortcomings. A passive style can lower staff respect for the manager.
When it comes to communicating with their own manager or customers, they may fail to represent their unit well, make a weak case for its needs, or accept criticisms without clarification. When this happens, they lose further staff respect and their own self-esteem. They may feel exploited, but those with whom they speak usually have done nothing to exploit them.
Aggressive managers, on the other hand, make their feelings known—often to the point of disregarding others’ feelings. They may be domineering and insensitive, hence leaving others feeling resentful, angry, and put down.
Although employees may not openly defy aggressive managers, they will drag their feet. While tough language may gain the manager the edge over the short term, over the longer term, it will alienate employees, colleagues, and even their own boss. Managers who make demands of their own manager in a hostile manner only build distrust and resentment.
Assertive managers gain others’ respect and do not frustrate or irritate others, because they express themselves in an honest, straightforward manner. They may stand up for their rights, but they do it in ways that don’t violate others’ rights. Assertive communications is self-enhancing but not at the expense of others. Assertive managers are open, honest, and up-front, because they believe that all people have an equal right to express themselves honestly. This openness and honesty encourages respect and cooperation from employees, managers, and others.
Here is the same sentence from all three styles.
- Assertive. This is what I think.
- Aggressive. This is what I think—you’re dumb to think otherwise.
- Passive. Whatever I think is probably not important to you.