To improve your listening skills, make a concerted effort to practice them and avoid the previously described listening mistakes. If you still find people reminding you about something that they say they had discussed previously with you, your problem may not be a problem with listening but instead, a problem with remembering what you hear. You might want to carry a little notebook and scribble notes about conversations in it. Listen to what is being said and note the key points in your own words. For instance, if one of your employees has asked to take a long weekend, and you have agreed, write down the fact in your notebook. Then transfer the note to your desk calendar so you don’t wonder where Richard is on Thursday. As Confucius said, “The weakest ink lasts longer than the best memory.”
You may also want to work to improve your memory. One of my colleagues observed just a few days ago that she is bombarded with so much information every day, she has a hard time keeping track. She is attentive and observant, and she is a good listener. But she often forgets small things. So she has taken to writing down the results of all phone calls and taking down her own minutes of meetings, and she reviews these notes frequently to increase her retention. She also makes a conscious effort to concentrate to ensure she remembers, even when she doesn’t have her pad and pencil with her. She’s even given herself a personal incentive to remember, thereby giving her more reason to keep in mind the myriad bytes of information that pass over her desk.
Quotable Quotes “No one ever listened himself out of a job.” —Calvin Coolidge
“Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly.”
—Plutarch
Tips Misunderstandings are caused by “wishful listening”—by hearing only what you want.
Think about the message you are hearing, not the person who is saying it.
If you promise to take action, do so. Put your promise in writing as soon as you can to avoid misunderstandings.
Use silence as a tool to encourage hesitant speakers.
Did You Know . . . ? You can tell how people think if you listen to their choice of phrase. Categories include the visual, which is indicated by phrases such as, “I see where you’re coming from,” and the auditory, indicated by phrases such as, “This sounds like a problem to me.” A person who is influenced more by emotions will say, “I feel that we should move toward . . .” Not only does this technique give insight into how people think, it will also enable you to establish rapport with them. Listen, and then mirror their thinking preference.