Tone and pitch aren’t the only body language to be alert to. Those with whom you are talking can tell if you are interested, engaged, in the right mood, patient, bored, annoyed, dismissive, and so forth by facial and body movements.
For instance, learn how to smile so it shows more than at your mouth. You know how novelists will describe a character’s smile as extending to the eyes. When you smile, it should show in the rest of your face—the lines around the eyes, the pupils, the forehead, and the cheeks. When you fake a smile, those with whom you are talking usually know it. Just think of some people who have smiled at you, yet you knew they weren’t sincere. Their words and expressions didn’t match, or their smile seemed to last too long—genuine smiles only last a second or so.
Stand in front of a mirror and pretend that your reflection is either one of your employees or your manager. Are you looking everywhere at the reflection but at the eyes? An evasive gaze suggests dishonesty or disrespect. Practice, instead, to look others in the eyes (or bridge of the nose) when you speak to them or they speak to you. Accompany all handshakes with smiling eyes. A direct gaze and broad smile create a positive image. A jaw that is set or a frown that extends from eyes to mouth communicates resistance, displeasure, or disapproval. It isn’t just the facial expression. When your eyebrows are lowered, your voice drops and you will sound gruff. Try it.
Watch your laugh as well as your smile. As strange as it may seem, we laugh when we feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. Washington observers say that the inappropriate smiling contributed to former Vice President Dan Quayle’s reputation as inexperienced. Laura, a marketing manager at an oil firm, was known for laughing when she had to communicate bad news to her employees. Most people laugh when they are happy or amused, and sometimes when they are relieved at the end of a difficult situation, but Laura laughed as she delivered bad news to her staff or had to say no to an employee’s request.
Her staff learned to read Laura’s behavior and tensed up whenever she laughed, instead of feeling upbeat and happy. Her laugh also reflected on her professionalism. They came to think that someone who wasn’t in control of her emotions would also not be in control of work situations.
So learn to laugh on purpose. That is, let your laugh be a sign of interest, genuine amusement, or happiness.